Immediately after the disaster of a prenatal visit at 11 weeks, I called the clinic that I used with Frances to switch back to them. Even though they're less convenient. And even though I have to pay for parking. Because I didn't want stupid people monitoring my pregnancy. And because I value my mental health. Gah.
And, even though I felt worlds better after booking my January appointment with a doctor I like and trust, I was still convinced that the baby was dead.
Some of my more fun search terms in the days following the 11wk visit:
no heartbeat at 11 weeks on doppler
where to get a fetal doppler edmonton
miscarriage risk statistics
how long can a fetus be dead before miscarrying
reasons for fetal doppler not picking up heartbeat
And I was mopey. And exhausted (because I was pregnant. Duh.) And just generally miserable. Poor Steve.
A couple of days after the 11wk visit, after having to deal with his psycho pregnant wife for two days, Steve started looking into fetal doppler rentals. But... after calling a few places, there was nothing that we could get before the Christmas holidays started. Then, he started calling around to all the boutique baby stores around town to see if they had any in stock. But... nothing, not that we could get before Christmas.
And after deciding that I needed an early ultrasound to make sure that everything was ok, I called all the u/s places in town. Nothing was available before Christmas. And nothing was available in the town where we were spending the holidays. And nothing was keeping me from being a psycho miserable pregnant woman. Sigh.
So. I was convinced that I would miscarry on holidays. While sharing a condo with my inlaws. And with my parents and little brother in a hotel down the street. I was... not in the best of spirits.
Then... on the day we left for holidays... Steve tracked down a doppler. (The saint.)
But... after trying that day for ages to find the heartbeat... nothing.
Ditto for the next several days.
Eugh.
Finally, at about 13 weeks... bingo.
I only heard it for about 10 seconds before losing it again, but... it was enough... I was... overwhelmingly relieved.
(Two days before I heard the heartbeat for the first time, we found out... terrible news. It was... indescribable. It still is. Since then... our happiness at having this new child is... tempered, I suppose. Fear is always part of being a parent, but... this news was... So. Intrinsically. Wrong. It put a new edge on the fear we have as parents. We're... managing... but... we don't forget.)
